let's discuss "the date", shall we?
first things first. his name is jeff and i started talking to him a few weeks ago. we both have profiles on
match.com--this website for singles. i honestly cannot believe that i signed up for this service because i've never been a fan of personal ads or liked the idea of advertising yourself to people. plus, it just seems so desperate. ANYWAY. the point is, i did it and i'm really approaching it with a laid-back, come-what-may attitude. i didn't have high expectations when i joined and more than anything, i simply find it reassuring to see nice, good looking, and interesting people who are also single. in some small way, it's helping to restore my faith and keep my spirits up. i figure it can't hurt and i might actually have a little fun. enter jeff....
his profile is the only one i've seen so far that made me laugh out loud. his pictures are really goofy and i could tell right away that he has a great sense of humor and is very self-effacing. i could also see that he is very casual about the whole thing and not in any way in search of something super serious and commited. he seemed nice enough, so i "winked" at him. (winking at someone simply means an email is sent to that person telling them you were interested in their profile). so, he winked back and then we started emailing and now we've been talking online every day and occasionally on the phone for the past 3 weeks. he's really funny and we have a lot of common interests, one being that we both majored in video/film in college. after much banter back and forth, i asked him on friday when i'd get to meet him, and we wound up making plans to grab lunch on saturday.
what was supposed to be a lunch date, turned out to be an all day, 11-hour, bar-hopping first date. we started off at the
turf inn, then walked over to
the stil for coffee, then went to
the collesium for dinner, and finally ended up at
the corner stable around 10:30. that's one thing i like about where i live--there's plenty of restaurants to choose from. we spent the entire day talking, just getting to know more about each other. i've never met a guy who could keep up with my continuous conversation, but he definitely surpassed me. he was a complete gentleman the entire time and there really weren't any lingering awkward moments. it was really nice talking with someone who's so intelligent and independant and interesting. this date felt different than any i've had before because i was out with a man, not some college age boy or someone without anything really important to say. anyway, we had a nice time and i guess the fact that we hung out for so long is a good sign. i really don't know what's next from here. i guess i'm still trying to figure out what he thinks of me and what his overall feelings are about the situation. i did conclude, though, that he's sort of hard to read. i know he enjoys my company, but he wasn't overtly obvious in his reaction to me. does that make any sense? basically, he's a casual guy who has many other things going on his life and doesn't
need a girlfriend to be happy. i am the same way, but it seems like i'm a little more willing to pursue something at this point than him. i don't know what i'm trying to say. but i know that when i came home i was happy, yet had no idea what to make of it. i wouldn't be surprised if we went out again, but then i wouldn't be surprised either if he didn't take it all that seriously and just wants to be friends. we'll see...
i am very glad i finally met him though because he's a really great guy. it was weird going out on a first date for the first time in over 2 years...i could barely sleep the night before. i'm such a nerd. but i always get like that when something new and potentially exciting happens. plus, it's always fun to meet new people. i like dating now and more than anything, i just want to act my age and live it up while i can. i'm tired of trying to predict or plan things anyway. what happens, happens and i'm not about to worry about it. i don't have the energy to get all stressed out about relationships anymore, anyway. but yeah, i'll keep you posted. :)
thanks for this, shayna.
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Emotional age?
i'm not quite sure what this question is asking. but if i had to guess, i'd say that emotionally, i act much older than i am. i mean, i'm a sap and all, but i have an old soul and i feel things in extreme ways. i'd say my heart is equivalent to that of a 40 yr. old.
Hairdo you wish you could pull off?
while charlize theron does not have 1 hair style in particular that she sticks with, i admire how much she can change her hair and still look exquisite. i'd love to be able to change my hair on a whim like that and have it suit my face.
First word?
da-da.
First written word?
even if i sat here all day and night, i could never remember that.
Famous person(s) people say you look like?
hmmm. well, i've heard i look like snow white, monica lewinsky, and (as of last week) courteney cox. none of them are really true, but i'd say the closest is the cartoon.
Eat your vegetables?
depends on what's on the plate. corn, yes! lima beans, never.
God, or a god concept?
God.
Most lengthy phase you ever went through:
again, this is a confusing question. i guess i'd say the period between age 2 and 16 or so, when i had bangs. i just did not want to get rid of those suckers! but, alas, i did for a while. but now they're back...and they're super hip.
If you're a boy, do you like baking? If you're a girl, do you like grilling?
i have never grilled. but i'm sure i will one day when i have my own kitchen.
Language(s) you'd most like to speak:
i guess italian. it sounds so beautiful to the ear.
Favorite names for people:
asses. i call ANYone whose behavior i don't like, an ass.
Death row last meal:
i don't know whether i
could eat if i knew i'd be executed in a couple hours...
Birthplace:
baltimore, maryland.
Do you have an accent?
not that i know of. i wish i did though. i'd want an irish or an australian accent.
To-MAY-to or To-MAH-to?
toMAYto. who says it the other way, anyway? i've never met anyone that did.
Most exotic thing you've ever eaten:
calamari....i think. i'm not really much of an exotic eater.
Superheroes or the supervillains?
it depends on how you look at it. i suppose it would be more fun to play a supervillian in a movie because you can't beat a great bad guy.
Marriage is...
a beautiful commitment/promise that i look forward to one day.
Love is...
indescribable.
Down pillows or plush pillows?
either. i just love pillows.
Bush. Love him or hate him?
are we talking about the band? because i LOVE bush the band. i'd be all over gavin if i met him.
Favorite color?
bright turquoise blue.
Favorite flavor of ice cream?
i'm still stuck on "one sweet whirled".
Dream job:
i don't even know anymore. jobs are something that frustrate me right now. it's hard to even think outside that box. but i know that all i want to do is help people. so whether that means teaching, or community service, or counseling, or writing, or even simply being a mother, that's what i care about.
Elvis or the Beatles?
how can you really choose between them?
Coke or Pepsi?
don't really have a preference.
Bad speller?
nope. i think i'm pretty damn good, actually.
Friday night. You're tired enough to stay in for the night, but not too tired to go out. Which one do you choose?
i'd most likely go out anyway. this happened tonight actually. it's hard to turn down perfectly good plans on an open friday night...
Favorite cuisine:
italian and american.
Show you miss the most:
'felicity'. don't even get me started. i miss it SO much. season 3 comes out on DVD in july!
Were you popular in high school?
well, since popular meant drinking, doing drugs, sleeping around, and shoplifting, no i wasn't.
What do you like in your brownies, nothing, nuts, or weed?
nothing. just plenty of chocolate.
Do you like to read?
oh yes.
How many relationships have you had? Serious ones?
i've had more relationships than i can even attempt to count. when i hear the word 'relationship' i don't automatically assume it means a romantic one. as far as boyfriends, i've had 3. at the time while i was in them, feeling all the emotions associated with being with someone, they were all serious to me.
How old were you when you had your first kiss?
17. i know, that's really late.
How old were you when you first partied?
i think i was in college. but i've never been much of a "partier" in the sense that people talk about it these days.
Favorite season?
the summer to autumn transition.
Marshmallows: burn em, or toast em?
as long as they end up in a smore, i don't care.
Do you enjoy dressing up?
i LOVE it. sometimes a little too much.
Do you mind getting dirty?
yes, for the most part. i hate it with a passion. but for some reason, when doing art, i don't care how messy my hands or the table gets; as long as i'm having a good time and producing something i'm proud of, it doesn't bother me.
What did you think you were gonna be when you grew up?
i used to think i'd become either a lawyer or an interior designer.
Number of mortal enemies:
mortal enemies? geez, i don't think i have any of those. atleast i hope not.
things have been really sad around the house because my sister and her boyfriend broke up yesterday. so now she is wandering aimlessly around the house, weeping profusely, and insisting that she won't ever get over this. she reminds me so much of me 2 months ago. her behavior, her inability to sleep, and her mood swings are all too familiar. it's so hard to watch because i know exactly what that pain feels like. and in some ways, this is even harder for her because nate was her first real boyfriend. so, she now knows the real definition of heartbreak. she's been officially initiated into the 'love sucks' club.
i didn't find out the news until late last night. i sat down with my sister and mom and we all just talked and cried for a while. i have come such a long way and i know that i'm setting an example for alexandra of how to best handle this kind of thing. but i also know that i can give her all the best advice, but she still needs to go through this at her own pace. it was weird because i found myself being all practical about it, while my mom was getting all emotional. i think i've gotten to the point now where i can see how beneficial situations like this can be, even if they seem like the end of the world at the time. so, i'm trying my best to pass that on to her. plus, i don't think i can afford to get down in the dirt with her and cry because it will dredge up too much of my own crap that can't afford to be dredged. i really feel like i can survive anything now, and i know that in time, she will be just fine too. i'm just sick and tired of us welsh women getting our hearts trampled. that's what my mother was crying over; she can't understand why people like us (and we 3 are so much alike in relationships) keep getting hurt. we give and give and all 3 of us are so sick of not getting anything in return. blah, blah, it's all been said before but when you have 3 broken-hearted women in a room together who share the same genes, bitterness tends to permeate.
i am really, really ready to move on now. i am actually looking forward to dating, whereas a month ago, the thought of it didn't even cross my mind. the one thing i don't like, though, is that feeling of not knowing what's next and what you mean to people that could potentially be someone worth pursuing. and even the idea of pursuing is weird to me because i'm the kind of person who is so hopeful, so willing to give things a shot. i'm the kind of girl who continually hopes for the best and sets my expectations so high, that no one can ever really fulfill what i expect. i don't mean to make that sound like i'm an emotionally high-maintenance person, i'm just saying that i get really really excited at the
prospect of things working. it's amazing how hope is so important to have, yet so risky at the same time.
i don't want to be out here in 'single person land' continually putting my hope in people who are just going to kick me in the ass. but i know i have to. i have to allow myself to get excited at the idea of it working out with someone. and sometimes i think i have the stamina to go at it again, and sometimes i just want someone to chase after me. what i've learned, ultimately, is that nothing surprises me. i will never predict, assume, or blindly believe things ever again. i don't care how sucked in i get the next time; i refuse to lose the sense of perspective that i have gained. i will not give and give and settle for nothing in return....never again.
about the stalker situation...
everyone at work is now aware of who this dude is and his odd behavior and what he said to me. in fact, it seems to be the talk of the store. our regulars are starting to pick up on his patterns too, as he is trying very desperately to make friends there and hang out with the normal people. i'm afraid it's just not going to work. he sticks out like a sore thumb...a psychotic sore thumb.
i went in today (on my day off, nonetheless) to file a report. i called it into the starbucks customer complaint center and that's pretty much all i can do for now. otherwise, we're just laying low. my bosses are on top of things and now that we know what car he drives, all we need is the license tag. we have his name too, and john's going to have his private investigator friend run it through the system. who knows whether it will turn up any information, but we figure it can't hurt. john thinks this guy is a serious sexual offender, or atleast a wanna-be offender. he came in yesterday and kept walking past me or staring while i was working. ick.
other than this crazy situation, i'm doing quite well. i've realized in the past week or so that my hope is gradually returning. by hope, i mean hope for the future, hope for myself, hope for meeting someone special again. i just feel renewed or something. like, i know the truth now about the whole situation with steve and i'm understanding more every day how we just were not right for each other. i feel more myself these days. i'm surrounded by people who are like me, and therefore i'm feeling better and better about who i am. i see all that's out there now, that i didn't see before. i come in contact with really, really cool guys all the time at work; men who say nice things to me and get my mind off the past. basically, i'm seeing more of what's out there and learning more what i want the next time around. i'm not some lost cause and i'm not sitting at home and crying anymore, because i know that he certainly isn't.
my eyes are wide open now...and i like what i see.
so, i officially have a stalker now. fun times!
no seriously, i do. remember the guy who asked me out at work last week? well, he's got serious issues, including extreme insecurity and paranoia. for example, on sunday night, he came in while i was on bar, talking with jarred. i very quietly mentioned to jarred who this guy was and what happened. the guy then sits down for about 20 minutes, reading the paper, then leaves. not 5 minutes later, the phone rings and it's someone named patrick asking for me. i take the phone call, only to realize that it's the same guy, accusing me of laughing and talking about him while he was in the store. granted i did talk about him, but it wasn't loud or inappropriate at all. he then keeps going on and on about what a mistake it was to ask me out because i'm now acting "catty" and that he didn't appreciate me embarrassing him and making him feel uncomfortable. he then tells me that it's not like he was "sexually harrassing me or anything"...he just wanted to ask me out. needless to say, i was floored. this dude called me during work, changed his frickin' name so i wouldn't know who was calling (his actual name is thomas), and then proceeds to verbally attack me about making him feel awkward. um, how about making
me feel awkward? you put me on the spot by asking me out at work, you freak! this guy gives me the creeps like you wouldn't believe. he came in again twice yesterday while i was working and he's acted very suspicious to other people as well. this guy is exactly the type to snap one day and kill someone. i'm not kidding. you can see it all bubbling under the surface. he looks all nice and normal, but under all that lurks a very obsessive person who thinks everyone is out to get him.
i'm working on filling out a critical incident report soon. that way, i'm prepared if anything really bad should happen.
