i bought this shirt during my mini shopping spree on saturday...
in yo' face, atkins dieters!

You're a Narrative writer!

What kind of writer are you?

when i read these lyrics, i'm reminded of how i've felt with each and every guy i've ever liked, dated, loved, or simply been close to. it's wonderful stumbling across something that articulates how i feel so eloquently and concisely...

bent 4 u (alanis morissette)

you're unsure and you're not ready so that must mean i want you
you're unavailable and disinterested and to you i look for comfort

a million times in a million ways i will try to change you
a million months and a million days i'll try to somehow convince you

i have waited for you and adjusted for you and i'm done
i have deferred to you and enabled you and i'm done

you're too young or you're too old or you're simply not inclined
you're asleep or you're withholding, be that my cue to crave you

several times in several ways i'll try to squeeze love from you
several hours and several ways i'll feast on scraps thrown from you

i have bent for you and i've deprived for you and i'm done
i have depressed for you and contorted for you and i'm done
i have stifled for you and i've compromised for you and i'm done
i have silenced for you and sacrificed for you and i'm done

it won't be long before i am reclaimed
it won't take long and i'll be on path again
it won't be easy for us to disengage
i'm at the end of the self deprivation stage

you're afraid of every woman afraid of your inner workings
you cringe at the thought of living under the same roof as me, god, and everything

a million times and a million ways i've tried to alter to match you
several times every several days i've tried to uncrush on you

so, i've been hanging out with someone new lately...someone who i like a lot and who reads this journal. i gave him the link as well as the link to my former blog, so that he could get to know me better. not that everything i write in here is incredibly personal, but i do tend to write updates about, what i think, are integral events. anyway, it's been an interesting thing because now, as we are dating and learning more about each other, he mentions things from months and months ago that he read about and that i forgot i had written. it's strangely exciting having someone know all these things about you that you didn't even tell them. and the fact that he cares enough to read about me, to essentially research a portion of my history, means a lot. he's in the process of condensing his journal to share with me, which i am anxiously awaiting. i'm discovering that this is a really cool way to learn about someone. and anyone who enjoys writing as much as i do, is way cool in my book.....er, blog. ha.

i've never really met anyone like this guy, and i told him that so it's no surprise. he's just so curious and introspective and interested in learning. he's one of those people who likes sitting in corners of rooms and watching people. he's an inventor, or would like to be. he's got this very intricate mind that he doesn't think is so intricate, but that i can tell really, really is. i talk more than him (yeah, that's a real shocker) so at this point, i feel that he knows more about me and my personality than i know about him. but for some reason it's cool, because with every little bit of information i do get, i want to know more. i feel like i'm sort of a fish on the end of his fishingline and he's reeling me in. or maybe it's vice versa. maybe he's the fish. whatever. all i know is the more we spend time together the more comfortable i feel and the more fun i have.

we spent time on top of a roof the other night, looking at the city lights...laughing and hugging. it was real nice.

we'll see...

What Color is Your Brain?

i just finished reading the 900 page novel i've been trying to finish for months. finally.
i rock.

and yet again i provide you with pure matt nathanson hilarity. read it and crack yourself up...

i've never been a good dancer.
in fact, when i do get coerced into dancing,
i look alot like joan cusack in '16 candles', which is currently on the t.v.
you might remember her... she was 'girl with neck brace' in the credits.
she moves back and forth like a slow hand saw.
never moving her lower body.
yeah, i dance like her. well, maybe not as bad. but bad all the same.
and everytime i see this part i think... i'm glad i don't have to dance for a living.
like, i'm glad i'm not trapped in some sort of wade robison prison camp.
where they make you wear ripped, sleeveless t-shirts and do the helicopter.
where your peers laugh, point and judge.
that would be a fate worse than death....
now granted, i haven't danced since 1988.
so who knows, i may have since gotten in touch with my inner JT.
so it's not really fair of me to compare myself now to the me then.
but i use to be the kind of person that danced and would make you laugh so hard, that you'd spray milk out of your nose.
but if you're drinking milk at a dance, who's the dork then...huh? dork!
i went to camp for most of my youth.
2 months out of the year.
all summer.
and every so often, twice a month or so, we would have dances with the girls camps.
i became the d.j. as protection from ridicule.
we also had an annual rifle tournament/dance with our sister camp, which now seems a little creepy... but whatever.
i have no idea why i felt the need to tell you about this.
john hughes is like a witch doctor, i guess. and his movie voodoo is like truth serum coursing through my veins!!!!

last night, my sister invited me to a lecture at her college featuring mallory and ace from real world: paris. we had the best time! we got there about 45 minutes early and got 2nd row seats. it was a pretty simple setup...the two of them just came out and sat on stools on a little stage and answered questions from the audience and a couple moderators. the place was PACKED and there were 3 times many more girls there than guys. they obviously all came to see ace, and let's just say he didn't disappoint anyone...

he's absolutely adorable and so funny, that i spent most of the night laughing at his recapping of certain (sometimes explicit) events. mallory is stunningly beautiful and it's no surprise that she's modeling in new york now. they are still dating and even though they appear to be total opposites, their chemistry is undeniable. i was really impressed by how genuine and charismatic they are. they're totally down to earth and mallory, especially, is very sweet.

oh, and it was great getting the scoop on some of the other real world and road rules cast members. according to ace, coral is "the anti-christ" and the meanest person he's ever known. ace hangs out with "the miz", brad (from san francisco), and ct on a regular basis. brad just got out of jail for the second time for fighting in a bar. ace claims veronica knows exactly what she's doing by causing so much drama on the challenges and outside of the show, she's much nicer. he also called her a "professional real worlder". mallory referred to tonya as "one of the many mentally challenged" cast members. ace told us that julie slept outside in a tent during the inferno because she was trying to get back into BYU, where it is forbidden to cohabitate with men. the next show is real world: philadelphia and consists of 4 men (2 of which are gay) and 3 girls. ace was *this* close to telling us who wins the inferno. he plans on doing the battle of the sexes this summer, while mallory said she is finished "riding the real world train" and wants to travel the world.

oh, and ace stood next to the one and only justin timberlake at a urinal after the VMAs last year. apparently justin is pretty well-endowed.

the end.