1. I've come to realize that.....quite often, things do not live up to my expectations.

2. I am listening to......the sound of the t.v. downstairs as it drifts into the spare bedroom where i am sitting alone, in the corner, on a comfy leather chair.

3. I talk.....fast. that micro machines guy has nothing on me.

4. I love.....watching children. you'd think i would be tired of such an activity but it's really one of the few things that always interests me.

5. My best friends......have come and gone over the years. other than mike and my mother, i really have a hard time acquiring and keeping a "best friend". sometimes i wonder if i'm just incapable for whatever reason of holding on to one friend for a long span of time. the ability to do that and withstand all of life's changes is something i envy.

7. I lost......my desire to be a part of the film industry. it's difficult to pinpoint exactly when that happened, but it's just not there anymore.

8. I hate it when people......talk about themselves constantly, sucking the life out of a conversation to the point where you wonder how they became so selfish. reciprocity is something i seek out.

9. Love is.....what it's all about.

10. Marriage is......something i completely believe in. it's not for everyone, but it's definitely for me.

11. Somewhere, someone is thinking......where are my pants?

12. I'll always be......honest with myself. that's a huge goal i put on the table right there, but i aim high.

13. I have a crush on.....micheal boehm. oh, and zach braff.

14. The last time I cried was......tuesday, when i had to take mom to the emergency room. it's weird when the roles reverse and your parents need you to step up to the plate and help them in a crisis. (don't worry. mom's fine, by the way.)

15. My cell phone......tends to bury itself in the most inaccessible crevices of my purse whenever someone is trying to call.

16. When I wake up in the morning.....i look at the clock and hope i can roll over and go back to sleep.

17. Before I go to sleep at night I......put lotion on my hands. i find that doing this every night--especially during the winter months--prevents chapped skin.

18. Right now I am thinking about......how i wish time didn't fly so fast. i hate that it gets dark so early now. it makes me feel like my day is over at 5pm.

19. Babies are......a source of continual wonder for me.

20. I go on myspace......FAR more than i should. i like it so much better than i hoped i would.

21. Today I.....went to laney's christening. i'm not real big on the church activities, but it was sweet seeing mike participate in the ceremony. he is now officially her godfather, you know.

22. Tonight I will.....hopefully go out and do something fun. i am not in the mood to stay in and sit around. whenever i do that, i feel guilty for not seizing a better opportunity, especially on a saturday night.

23. Tomorrow I will......clean the house and veg out until it's time to head over to the annual swoboda new years party. i typically love new years eve but this year, for some reason, i'm not all that excited about it.

24. I really want......to decide on a honeymoon location. as of now, so many options appeal to me and i don't have much of a preference other than a tropical environment.

25. The person who most likely to repost this is......either ollie, becky, or laurie. it's hard to say.

bad day. feeling underappreciated, once again. the short version of the story (minus the passionate ranting and defensive justification of my feelings) is that i am not getting paid overtime for the past two and 1/2 weeks in which saundra has been absent. i have always received more money in the past when she was out, but this time (because a "certified" teacher is present in her place) i am apparently doing the exact same job i normally do.

except one thing. i'm not.

i'm doing more. i'm stepping up and leading my class. keeping the kids in line, maintaining the flow and structure. preparing work. leading morning activities. ALL things that i am not solely responsible for usually.

but the head-of-school could give a rat's ass about all that. i marched into his office today, pleading my case and he just spoonfed me bullshit excuses about how it's "just not in the budget" and how "if he makes an exception for me, he'll have to make it for everyone". bureaucratic crap, that's all it is. then he essentially promised me a raise next year. we'll see if that actually happens...

i was really counting on that money and i deserve it, dammit.

uggggggggh. i am so done with work right now. is it wednesday yet?

i am so excited by this video. in fact, i will go so far as to say it is the best video i've ever seen. that's mostly because i am a HUGE fan of scrubs and an even huge-er (i know, not a word!) fan of charlie brown movies. this is truly the best of both worlds. also, dr. cox is the voice of linus. does it get any better?!?

(oh, and all i want for christmas is zach braff with a bow on his head. it's not that i want him for anything naughty. i just want to sit around and laugh at him all day...and maybe make s'mores or something.)

the week is winding down and i am crazy busy. my classroom is full of singing, excited children and holiday crafts decorate the windows. there are angels made from paper plates and gold glitter, felt-covered popsicle stick santa pins, and construction paper wreath collages. it's amazing how different each one looks, even though all contain the same materials. the childrens' little spirits cannot be contained and they are bursting at the seams with anticipation of a holiday that has lost a bit of luster for most people. there is really nothing like seeing christmas through the eyes of a kid, and although i don't have any of my own yet, my students are the next best thing. there's something so nostalgically magical about believing in santa claus. i know some people think that perpetuating the myth is ridiculous, but i will forever be a champion of the idea. i wish i still believed in something that defied all logical sense, something i chose to believe in anyway, simply because it was fun to...

i've really stepped up to the plate in saundra's absence. she had rotator cuff surgery early last week and will be out until january. i've been essentially leading the class since then, although i do have the knowledgeable support of a certified teacher who we're borrowing for two weeks. it makes the parents more comfortable knowing that a "certified" teacher is in the room, but in reality i'm doing nearly all of the organizational and behavior management work. after all, the kids are more comfortable with me and so come to me for everything. by the end of this year, it will really feel like i donated a pretty significant amount of myself to this class. it's a great, yet exhausting feeling. and i really love my job.

my holiday break starts next wednesday at noon, and i'm counting down the minutes. i know the time off will fly by because i have so much planned, most of which is pretty fun. of course, i anticipate a fair share of sadness sprinkled in, being that christmas morning hasn't been the same since my parents split up. mike and i are having christmas breakfast here in our home for the first time, which is both incredibly important to us but also kind of sad, mostly because not everyone in our immediate families can be here. it really saddens me that my dad can't share this with us.

i feel so much older lately. doing things that i used to watch others do, while i sat contentedly in the corner. now i'm taking charge and doing things that i didn't even realize i was prepared for, and doing them well. it's an odd thing.

wedding plans are coming along. i intend on doing a bulk of things over the holiday. the guest list is complete and i'm not changing it. it's strange reducing the most important people in your life to a list and realizing just how few of them there are. i always knew that i didn't want to invite just anyone, that people who come should truly know and love us. the joy at seeing all those people together, in one big group, cannot even be expressed.

happy holidays, everyone. i hope you spend them with people you love and there is lots of laughter in the room.

(more photos added to the random snapshots album.)