i wish i had good news to report about this past weekends ski trip. i really, really do. but, the truth of the matter is, i suck at skiing on every possible level. i am miserably, horribly, pathetically piss poor at it. if there was a worst skier award, i would win hands down. i'm not even exaggerating. exibit A: i fell getting off the ski lift EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

i can honestly say that i have NEVER been more frustrated or aggravated by an activity in my entire 24 yrs. for the few hours i attempted to ski, i was not only completely petrified, but i just couldn't get a grasp on the basic concepts of the sport. i tried so hard, too...but to no avail. the weekend consisted of me falling and crying over and over, to the point where i felt completely drained both emotionally and physically. see, that's the thing with me: when i'm really frustrated, i get a bit emotional. and snappy. i must have bit mike's head off more times than i care to mention. ugh, and he was so patient with me (which i am forever grateful for). it eventually reached a point where i felt like i was holding him back from having a good time and i was no longer willing to put in any more effort. it was just a mess. and it felt like the longest weekend ever because i felt so isolated the entire time (which was no one's fault, it was just the circumstances).

i hate not being able to participate in everyone else's fun. it makes me crabby and overly-sensitive and despondent. and i hate not feeling like my usual, upbeat self. no matter what i tried, no matter how many times i got up and brushed the snow off, i just could not pull myself out of the shitty metaphorical hole i had fallen into. i just felt so down and completely not me. i really hope i didn't bother anyone with my negative energy.

and of course i'm sore now. which is just great. i'm sore and bruised with nothing to really brag about. nothing is more bruised than my ego, however. except maybe my spirit.

ok, ok. i'm done being so depressed. i just wanted to fully explain the misery i experienced.

on a brighter note, the condo and the people i spent time with were excellent. we all had fun in the hot tub and watching cheesy ski-related movies! yay for exclamation marks and fun non-wintery activities!

i stole this idea from mike keith. i be the thief.

1. jumped out of a plane flying 14,000 ft. above ground. some would call this skydiving. i prefer calling it THE MOST AMAZING EXPERIENCE EVER.

2. had a long-distance relationship for almost 6 months with someone i met online. we only saw each other for two long weekends but talked on the phone every night. he broke my heart...the asshole.

3. went to an authentic luau in maui, hawaii. those hula girls can really shake it.

4. directed and wrote a 20 min. documentary about shoes.

5. played in a badminton tournament. say what you want...but it was intense, man!

6. got hit in the face with a baseball bat during a neighborhood softball game. shockingly, this was not the highlight of my adolescence.

7. crashed a VIP party at the hard rock cafe in baltimore on a first date. the guy was a jerk but it was totally the best date ever.

8. danced on top of a bar in pleather pants (this occured at the party mentioned above).

9. totalled a car by smashing head-on into a concrete wall while exiting the highway. i still can't believe this happened.

10. never got lower than a B on a report card for my entire school career.

every thing seems to be so stale lately. this typically happens mid-february for me, when i start longing for changes. a new haircut. a new wardrobe. warm weather. i've been thinking a lot about my spring/summer travel plans, looking forward to them immensely and craving a change of location and overall environment. as of now, i'm going to north carolina, maine, and los angeles...the last of which i will be going alone (something i'm really excited about). something about this blistering cold makes me want to explore new places and shed my skin. as much as i am a creature of habit with some things, monotony and redundancy bores me and i can only take so much. i'm convinced i am an entirely different person when it's warm. that's when my personality really shines.

i'm off this coming weekend. mike and i are going skiing in western md. with a few other couples and staying in a cabin for a couple nights. should be interesting on many levels...mostly because i don't know how to ski and i hate the cold. mike came over yesterday to help me decide on appropriate clothing and i basically revealed my wariness about the trip. i just hate being the only person in a large group who doesn't know how to do something that they all love. i mean, what if i truly hate it? the last thing i want is to make the trip miserable for mike (since he loves skiing) but i have this uncanny inability to fake my reactions to things. i pretty much wear my emotions and frustrations right smack on my face. so, we'll see what happens. hopefully i will return with happy stories and no broken bones.

in a completely unrelated story, i met a really cool dude at work yesterday. i have to say that meeting random, quirky people is one of the main highlights of my job, actually. it happens all the time. i strike up conversations and before i know it, i'm seeing these characters on a regular basis and know quite a bit about them. anyway...so this guy. he's a stand-up comic. and anyone who knows me, knows i'm a sucker for funny men. we talked all about the business and how challenging it is and he told me that the show "the last comic standing" is a total farce. it was interesting. he basically sat in the cafe all day writing jokes and working on his website. it would be pretty funny if some starbucks reference showed up in his next routine...

and so it is that time of year again...the time to celebrate love and the person in our lives that brings us joy and makes us smile and yada yada yada. or, if you think about it like i do, today is the most corporate, money-driven, forced holiday of the year. that is what working at hallmark for 3 years does to you. selling zillions of stuffed animals and boxed chocolates to men rushing around with the fear of god in their eyes, hoping to find the "right" gift for their significant other (or else they'll look like horrible people) kinda makes you bitter. i don't mean to sound so lame, but really if you think about it, the holiday has sort of strayed from its original intention. just look at the jewelry store commercials on TV. they make a gold necklace or a diamond ring seem like the only thing that will keep a man out of the doghouse today. i hate the idea of that. i suppose everyone should just celebrate it in their own quiet little way and do whatever makes them happy. personally, i'd rather just stay home and cuddle and watch movies...like mike and i do all the time anyway. why should this day be any different?

we aren't even celebrating tonight. mike has to work late and go in early tomorrow and it's rainy outside and i'm tired and...blah. we don't want to rush the evening just because it's valentines day and we're 'supposed' to see each other. so we've pushed plans back until tomorrow night. we're going to see "hitch", then cooking dinner together, then watching scrubs and just kicking back, all leisurely-like. i can't wait. but honestly, this will be no different than any tuesday for us. we're that cool.

oh, and another thing. i hate how this holiday makes people who are single feel all inadequate. my sister, for instance, isn't dating anyone and as if she doesn't think about that enough anyway at her age, she has to go on campus where i'm sure she is surrounded by silly heart balloons and boys giving girls bouquets all day. ugh, it's just so wrong. i think there should be a holiday for single people to stand up and celebrate their freedom! that's what we need, man. that and conversation hearts that say things like "single & loving it" and "free at last". you can, however, get solace from games like this. enjoy, single ladies.

i've noticed that there seems to be 2 kinds of valentines day people, for the most part. there are the sappy, annoying, lovey types who shove their cuteness down your throat and make you want to upchuck your cereal. and then there are the older, more bitter husbands and wives who don't really celebrate their relationship or their love at all anymore because they say the fire is gone. personally, i think both of these groups are sad and pathetic. because while i don't plan on ever being disgustingly mushy, i don't think that getting older means giving up on sentimentality. there is a middle ground and i hope i'm always walking on it.

i've said my peace for the evening. much love and hugs and kisses to you all. heh.

well, the rumors you've heard are true. i am indeed turning 24 tomorrow, at approximately 8:30am. i don't know if many people pay attention to the the time of birth, but technically, i guess it matters. for those who are interested, i was born within 2 hours and my mom had a relatively easy labor. notice the use of the word *relatively*. i'm sure that no labor is easy. just easy in relation to other labors. my sister was apparently a real tricky one to bring into the world...

anyway, i'm getting off track. point is, i'm off from work tomorrow and i'm going shopping. i have a sweet gift certificate to banana republic to spend and target is calling my name. i'm excited to spend most of the day alone, actually. i kind of just want to chill out and have a leisurely afternoon with myself. tomorrow night, mike's mom is taking us out to dinner to celebrate our birthdays, so that should be fun too. oh, and a new episode of scrubs is on...just for me. :)

did i mention i'm ECSTATIC that football season is finally over?!? 'cause i really am.