myspace has become quite the obsession for me lately, which is something i've accepted. i really like jumping from page to page, checking out people i know...and even some that i don't...to see how people describe themselves. john tried to get me hooked on it so long ago and i fought against it forever until one day, i don't know why, it all just sorta clicked and i saw the fun in it. i avoid trends like the plague, but i have a sense of humor and i think things are what you make of them, really.
just went out to brunch with heather. we ate spinich, tomato, and provolone omelette bagels, which i picked off the menu because i know what food she enjoys. i even mentioned to her how i often do that--go out to restaurants with friends, choosing their meals before they do, while i sit there for an hour and can't decide for myself. that may be indicative of something larger, who knows. anyway, back to heather. i love that girl. she's so wonderfully open and kindhearted. it's difficult to find quality girlfriends, so i'm holding on tight to the ones i have. heather's the kind of girl that makes you feel comfortable in your skin, like you are totally satisfied with yourself around her because you know she accepts and values you for what you contribute to her life. she's all natural--very granola and outdoor friendly--and she makes me want to embrace that sort of natural, healthy lifestyle. she's healthy all-around, really. very honest, very willing to learn and exchange ideas. you all should know her.
it's wonderful how your emotional health directly contributes to how you feel about your outward image. since coming to terms with the difficult and painful aspects of my life in the past year, i've felt more beautiful--not purely on the surface--but just overall. i've directed the same brand of honesty to myself that i direct to others and i think i've achieved a whole new level of personal comfort. i know my weight has fluctuated in the past year (gone down and then up again since my crohn's diagnosis) but i'm ok with that. i don't exercise like a crazy person; i shoot for 3 times a week and eat pretty much whatever i want. i'm more grateful to feel good, both mentally and physically, and don't really want to expend the energy critiquing myself on any sort of demeaning level. i'm soft in parts, but i've got a strong mind; that's really the way i like it.
wedding planning is coming along. the preliminary guest list is complete (we're at 105), and i don't forsee adding many more people. that's exactly the number we were shooting for and that makes me happy. bridesmaid dresses were chosen. think pear green satin with ivory accents. i went for a clean, fresh spring look and with every passing day the overall scheme is becoming more clear to me. it's a simple and classic palette, with elegant and personal touches. alexandra was my model/template and luckily i had her to help me narrow the selection and encourage me to go with my gut. i've realized during this whole wedding planning process that if you consider every single option you come across, you will literally drive yourself crazy. it doesn't take much to overwhelm me, so i knew immediately that i needed limits. i could have easily run all over town, going frantically from store to store, visualizing every style and color possible, but i decided against it...for the sake of my own sanity. one bridal shop. two visits. done...and done.
there are so many other more important things to me. like writing vows. yikes. i'm waiting a little before i start that whole process...
i went through some old journal entries from 2 years ago when mike and i first started dating. just reading about how i felt back then, brought back so many emotions and very specific memories. i think we all forget sometimes how things began, how our feelings about any given thing were ignited. to hold those initial feelings up against where i am now with him is kind of amazing...and something i need to do more as the wedding approaches, i think. to get back to the heart of us, the core of our feelings for one another and what drew us together. so much of that early stuff is easy to forget, but it's all so essential to our overall view of that person. the joy, passion, fear, friendship, and love that he stirred up in me during those early stages is all part of the foundation we're standing upon now.
i may have some decent vows in me yet...
