so, we are officially lame because we aren't dressing up for halloween this year. for the past two years, we pulled off pretty creative couples costumes and we planned on being wayne and garth this year, had we been invited to a party of some sort. but alas, tomorrow is the big day and we are opting to stay home and get aquainted with the neighborhood kids by contributing to their sugar consumption. i hope this makes them happy. it is kind of cool, however, being the distributor of halloween candy from my own home this year...although it does make me feel a tad old. more than anything though, i enjoy seeing how excited children become over this holiday. i know people fuss over the meaning of halloween, saying it is evil in spirit and that to celebrate witches and goblins and such is sacreligious, but i think it's really just a fun day when it comes down to it. it's an opportunity for people to be creative and become someone else for a little while. and really, where's the harm in that?

in honor of the day, here is an old picture of us dressed as princess & mario from 2005. if you can't tell, we really had a lot of fun with it...

i think the worst thing (next to helplessness) is feeling that you are unappreciated. i seem to get caught up in this feeling continuously to the point where it consumes and eats me inside. i don't know whether i am a prime candidate for this sort of response, or whether i just feel it more intensely because i am a rather sensitive woman. in any case, i am quite tired of doing what i think is 'good work' and having it either ignored or overlooked. then, in turn, i am criticized for the little things that i do 'wrong', with absolutely no consideration for the things that i spent so much time doing well. i'm tired of the unbalanced scale. there is no giving anymore, only taking. genuine kindness is too hard to come by. there is this lukewarm temperature that pervades every room and no one puts themselves in anyone else's shoes anymore; it's all one-way track, tunnel-vision thinking these days and i'm desperately sick of it.

am i the only person who still considers how the words from my mouth really affect others?

Name your top 5 priorities:
(in no particular order) working on household projects and decorating; being a consistent and reliable shoulder for my mother to lean on; making true connections with the students in my class and helping them whenever possible; planning an incredibly sincere wedding; and enjoying my life with michael.

If you could change something about your life right now, what would it be?
i wish i felt more connected with my father.

One thing you're looking forward to?
my wedding on june 2nd. although i must admit that the anticipation is half of the excitement.

Feeling you feel the most:
overwhelmed.

Who do you miss?
i miss my parents being happy together and the look on my mom's face when she felt secure and wanted.

Quality you inherited from your mom:
oh there are so many. first and foremost though, her undeniable empathy; we love people to the core.

Quality you inherited from your dad:
his spontaneity and overall positive attitude. we are true optimists at heart.

Favorite plant:
i've always had an affinity for bonsai trees. they are so delicate and intricate, and also rather fascinating to study. also, i tend to like really miniature replicas of typically large things. another reason why i love travel-size toiletries.

Favorite flower:
peonies. in fact, my bridesmaid bouquets will look a lot like this:

When was the last time you felt really special in the past year?
i feel special a lot actually, mostly because i leave myself pretty open to others and their efforts in making me feel important. my students make me feel very loved quite often, especially one little boy who draws me pictures which i hang on my refrigerator. i felt the most special, however, when mike proposed to me last october. almost a year ago...wow.

Life lesson you've learned:
little kindnesses add up and make you feel better about you. stepping outside of yourself and focusing your energy outward is so much more rewarding than incessant self-absorption. most people have it so much harder than you, so get over yourself.

Halloween costume:
we do couples costumes and this year we may be wayne and garth from wayne's world. i'm totally garth. he's way funnier.

Favorite scent:
baked goods, or artifically scented candles that smell like baked goods. both make me think about pie and we all know that pie makes me abnormally happy.

Something nice about your siblings:
brian is probably one of the most intelligent people i've ever met and also someone i enjoy discussing music and film with. alexandra is absolutely adorable in every conceivable way and makes me laugh harder than most people i know.

Something nice about your friends:
each and every one of them is passionate about their life and has a generous heart. they all know and like me for who i truly am. they make me feel appreciated.

Favorite food:
although food is incredibly enjoyable to me and i find it rather difficult to narrow down such a broad category, i'd have to say pie. any flavor, it doesn't matter. it's so satisfying!

If you could grant one wish, what would it be?
i would set my mom up so that she wouldn't have to spend her life worrying about surviving. i would give her the comfort and reassurance she needs to go on with her life and be happy again.

Dream job:
mother.

Favorite TV show as a child:
the only show i remember consistently watching as a child was sesame street. i know that's a safe answer but i find it kind of comforting.

Do you take your vitamins?
no. i take too many other pills to worry about vitamins.

If you could spend your money on anything right now, what would it be?
if i could afford to be completely frivolous, probably a new yellow mini-cooper. you have no idea how much i want one.

Describe yourself in one word:
unapologetic.

What is your desktop background?
this picture, enlarged to fit the screen:


What are you doing tomorrow?
trying to enjoy myself despite the fact that it will be monday. i really hate mondays.

Current pet peeve:
not having any substantial food in the house. we need to go grocery shopping desperately.

What are you watching?
the computer screen as i type.

Hidden talent:
i can most likely find the bright side of any situation. come to me if you need a little emotional boost.

Longest friend:
my mom, in more ways than one. not only have i known her the longest, but she's quite long herself if you lay her down and measure her.

If you could look like any celebrity, who would it be?
they're all air-brushed anyway, so take your pick...

What hurts your feelings?
when people speak in a harsh manner to me, especially when my natural inclination is to talk gently and kindly to others.

Favorite part of the day:
4:30pm, when i'm walking to the parking lot to drive home for the day.

Thing you hate the most:
inconsideration.

What wins your heart over:
babies. watching them, all wide-eyed and curious, is more interesting to me than just about anything else.

If you could eliminate anything on the human body, what would it be?
i've never been too keen on armpits. they are hairy and typically smell bad. how exactly are they necessary?

If you could have been born in a different country, what country would it be?
maybe australia. or ireland. it's hard to decide which.

What's your heritage?
i'm a mutt like pretty much everyone else i know. i have a little irish, a little russian, and a little german in me.

What makes you nervous?
so many things. the most common one, i suppose, is attempting new things. i know that's broad, but doing anything that is outside of my comfort zone really agonizes me until i master it.

Celebrity crush:
zach braff. i just really admire his work and his ordinary-ness.

Word you rarely use to describe something or someone:
i never call people perfect. nothing and no one in life is and to assume that is severely misguided.

Best concert:
i really enjoyed my first dmb show back in june of '99. it rained torrentially throughout the entire thing and i couldn't have cared any less. never have i danced in the rain to live music before and felt so elated. it was just such a cool experience and to top it off, it was also my very first concert.

What will you stand up for?
the people that i love. any and every time.

Have you ever helped a stranger?
well, considering that my students start off as strangers and i help them, i would say yes. i also help out many children outside of my classroom all the time in small ways, and most of them probably don't even know my name. i smile and hold hands with kids all the time and i like to think that is helping them in some way.

song list:

black balloon - goo goo dolls
looking at the world from the bottom of a well - mike doughty
crooked teeth - death cab for cutie
flake - jack johnson
round here - counting crows
i will follow you into the dark - death cab for cutie
is it any wonder - keane
i go blind - hootie and the blowfish
black horse and a cherry tree - kt tunstall
laid - matt nathanson
dani california - red hot chilli peppers
who knew - pink
lullabye - shawn mullins
move along - the all-american rejects
chocolate - snow patrol
over my head - the fray
trouble - ray lamontagne
the fear you won't fall - joshua radin
nightswimming - r.e.m.
sing - travis

this may be the best mixed cd i've made to date. there is something about this collection of songs that really does it for me. i've been making mixed tapes (can you tell i'm a child of the 80's?) for as long as i can remember and they really rejuvinate my passion for music. i go through periods where i'm really bored with the industry. there is rarely anything on the radio that makes a blip on my radar and for the most part, i'm disheartened at all the recycled crap out there. david gray will forever be my favorite artist and he's not even played on most stations, let alone television. but in a way, i'm happy about that because it's almost like he's reserved in a little corner for those who truly understand his talent. as far as this mix, i think that ray lamontagne may be the standout. i've just discovered him (thanks to the last kiss soundtrack, which i also recommend. lamontagne's voice is unlike anything out there today and it harks back to the days of true soul music. the tone and quality is so sincere, so rich and ripe with raw emotion. the video quality is mediocre, but i highly recommend watching this video of his song "trouble". see for yourself...