well, camp is over; those 6 weeks really flew by. i'm looking quite forward to having the next month off, even though i'm sure i will stumble into boredom along the way. whenever i have any extended period of time off, i always tell myself i will be super productive, work on all these creative projects i've wanted to start and what have you. read a whole slew of books. learn how to do something new, that i've always wanted to learn. do some cooking. experiment with things. shake stuff up a little. we'll see if that happens this time, or if i fall into a pattern where i do a bunch of meaningless little things that take up way more time than i anticipated. my netflix subscription is starting up again, so there's something. and i have lots of little wedding related tasks to start on. bridesmaid dress shopping and guest list writing, to name a couple.

for some reason, our kitchen wreaks of rotten brocolli. i thought the smell was eminating from the trashcan, but we've discoved it's from the disposal. it is rather disgusting and i hope the baking soda and orange peel concoction we're trying works.

we leave for the beach tomorrow. i managed to pack everything i need this evening after work, when typically, i would start the process much sooner. i'm the master packer. there should be a game show for people like me. something where contestants have to condense and prepare for some sort of event with a limited amount of time. i'd rock that.

my friend karen delivered the items i ordered from the sex toy party she hosted last weekend. i'm very excited. honestly, i haven't had that much fun at a party in a long time. all of my girlfriends need to come with me next time or host a party of their own at some point. i guarantee you'll have a blast. i may host one sometime before the wedding.

that VW commercial where the guy and his friend crash into the truck freaks me out EVERY TIME i see it. it seems so damn real.

project runway is back, with all its funky fashion-forward designs and homosexually charged commentary. i'm in heaven.

i've realized that as my therapy sessions have gotten more intense and emotionally rewarding, i've been less inclined to write. you'd think it would be the other way around and i'd be more anxious to do it, since all my thoughts are on the edge of my brain. i guess i'm more excited about talking than writing these days; i feel much more articulate verbally, for whatever reason. anyway i think it's a positive thing, so i'm running with it.

that's all. don't miss me too much while i'm gone...

i can't believe july is almost half-way over. where has the summer gone?

maybe i feel it's flying by because i haven't had a real vacation yet. and by 'vacation', i mean a place with sand and beach chairs. the sandbox at camp just isn't cutting it. plus, it's bloody hot and sticky humid...both of which make me all jittery.

the best part of camp so far has been spending time with the ladies that i don't normally get to work with during the school year. we all went out to dinner last friday and mike joined in. he says these girls bring out the best in me and that got me thinking about friendship in general, and in particular, how it changes over time.

i think we all go through stages of our lives when we really don't know where we're headed or what we want and so we seek out people like us who feel the same sense of ambivalence. we look for wanderers who can travel on our path and hold our hands. we all stumble together and then pick each other up, but eventually, we get on our feet for good and no longer see the world the way we once did. i feel myself moving away from some people, reaching out to others who make me happy and don't weigh my heart down. i don't understand why everything has to be such a tragedy, so negative and overdramatized. i honestly believe that there are some people who feed off of drama and wallow in their depression. i crave lightness and simplicity now. i'm looking to add more laughter to my life and eliminate the heaviness of burden and obligation. i don't want to be friends with anyone with whom i cannot be completely myself. i don't want to make apologies or offer explanations. i want to be silly and loud and yes, maybe severely inappropriate at times, and not be judged or made to feel like i've changed. because ultimately, the past IS who i was and what i have become is just a continuation of that.

sometimes fighting for something you once had is destructive to the spirit. instead, i would rather accept what has changed and leave the rest as is. i've never been one to push or force an issue, mainly because doing so solicits an insincere response. allowing the chips to fall where they may isn't ever really a mistake in my opinion.

i guess what i'm saying is that i'm nestling into the cozy spot of my life right now and i'm okay with the fact that it might not be where other people are. i'm happy and i've always been told that that is all that matters.

check out the rest of our pre-holiday celebration here.