so i've been absent as of late. sorry about that. i have a lot on my mind.

school has been busy this week, as i've lead the class myself for 3 days while saundra was out for various reasons. i was rather pleased with the days i was left in charge, mostly because things ran at my pace and i made all the important decisions. (don't we all love that?) things went smoothly, no problems, and i'm convinced now more than ever that i can keep a classroom of 24 kindergarteners under control. i pulled out all the stops. sang all the kiddie-friendly songs, enforced all the kiddie-appropriate rules. all the while making them love me. i rule at life.

all lighthearted joking aside, i really love my job. even though i rarely hear positive reinforcement from saundra (because, well, she isn't good at that) i do hear it from parents and fellow teachers. vicky, the primary teacher that shares a building with us, told me that i have excellent group management ability, which is half the battle in teaching. it's all about dealing with the transitions and keeping them interested. i like to think i've gotten really great at that...

we finally settle on the house this wednesday. it has been the longest month ever, no lie. every day has felt like a week, and every week has seemed like a year. but we're almost there and the keys are almost in our hands. it's really going to happen!

i've spent loads of time lately doing one (or a combination) of three things:
1- searching for items to buy for the house online, obsessively imagining that yes, i will be able to buy all brand new lovely things and still afford to eat.
2- worrying about all the minute details surrounding the move to the point where mike has to grab my shoulders, look me deeply in the eyes, and reassure me that everything will happen eventually and not to panic about all the work it will take to get there. and finally...
3- walking around our ghetto apartment cursing it and all of its horrendous problems quite loudly and openly, while simultaneously celebrating the fact that we'll be leaving it soon. (ah, this one happens more frequently than the first two.)

basically, what it comes down to is that i'm not good at waiting for big things like this. and i'm not good at the 'process' of it all. i want all new things and everything organized and ready to go, and i want it now. god, i sound like such a whiny brat.

something must be wrong with me.

it's wrong to get too attached to things so quickly, right? a girl really shouldn't just buy her wedding dress from the first bridal shop she ever visits, over a year before her wedding, right? even if the dress was on sale and fit her to a tee, requiring absolutely no alterations? no, that would just be crazy.

well, call me crazy then. because yesterday, that's exactly what i did. and, much like buying the house, it was a quick decision that caused me much confusion and flusterization. if that's even a word. the whole process just seemed too easy. and that's what i couldn't rationalize.

regardless, i went back to the shop later with my mom and sister, to try it on for them. i knew the decision couldn't be finalized unless my mother loved it (which i knew she would). i just felt so bad for having first stumbled upon the dress without her there. i never envisioned it happening that way. anyway, she cried. that's when i knew it was the dress!

um, so...details. ivory. silk. form-fitting. long, flow-ey train, ruching at the waist. floral beading. very elegant. i can't find a picture to send anyone (since the dress is discontinued and i apparently bought the last one on earth), but i'll keep searching.

so this means i can start searching for the girls' dresses now. i'm thinking spring green, but i can't seem to find the exact shade i want yet. i promise to make you all look gorgeous, which shouldn't be difficult since you are all so lovely already.

i can't believe i have my dress. like pretty much every other important decision in my life, that was so not how i thought it would happen.

type your first reaction when you see these 34 words:

1. Cigarettes: a really sad, expensive addiction. i know plenty of people that smoke and i can only imagine how difficult it is to quit once you start.

2. Sex: fun!

3. Relationships: emotionally taxing at times, but the most important thing to me. the search for meaningful human interaction is the reason we're here on earth, i believe.

4. Your last ex: starting to correspond with me again, actually. i really didn't expect this to happen, but i'm rolling with it...

5. Power Rangers: i can't believe children still like them. and believe me, they do.

6. Marijuana: not my thing. but i'm slowly starting to not make such a big deal about it anymore. although i don't won't to be around it, i realize there are far worse things that people could be doing.

7. Crack: pull your pants up.

8. Food: my favorite hobby. let's eat!

9. President: i don't envy him one bit. what a horrible job that must be.

10. War: i'm sick and tired of bumper stickers saying "war isn't the answer". no one likes war, you morons. but don't make people who support the effort out to be horrible individuals.

11. Cars: i want a yellow mini-cooper. BADLY.

12. Gas prices: piss me the hell off. but you know what pisses me off even more? hearing about the rising gas prices EVERY FUCKING MINUTE on the news. i think we all agree that the situation blows. now be quiet.

13. Halloween: a holiday i've really grown to love again as i've gotten older. mike and i have agreed to try and top our couple costumes with each coming year. it's so much more fun when you have another person to dress up with.

14. Bon Jovi: i love matt nathanson's cover of "living on a prayer". classic.

15. Religion: i prefer the term spirituality. religion, for the most part, is just a way to control people.

16. MySpace: something i have managed to be suckered into. damnit.

17. Worst fear: losing the people i love and not really enjoying the things i have for the limited time i have them.

18. Marriage: june 2nd, 2007. almost a year away!

19. Blondes: i used to want blonde hair when i was little. now i'm so glad i don't actually have it.

20. Brunettes: are brunettes solely people with brown hair? what about us black haired folk? i've never really heard a decent explanation of this...

21. Redheads: wild in the sack. that's what i imagine men think anyway.

22: Work: exhausting, but necessary.

23: Pass the time: stupid myspace and other such online hobbies.

25: One night stands: dangerous and really stupid.

26: Pet peeve: slow drivers in front of me. they could atleast drive the speed limit.

27: Pixie Stix: crack for kids.

28: Vanilla ice cream: i've become more fond of it over the years, mostly because it's so versatile. for instance, it can become chocolate ice cream so easily! just add hershey's syrup and you're jammin'.

29: Port-a-Potties: only one time in my life and never again. however, they are a necessary evil.

30: High school: a time in my life that seems completely separate from who i am today. it's almost like thinking about it requires a lot of effort or something. and when i do reminisce, it feels like i'm watching someone else playing me in some weird teen movie.

31: Pajamas: zany pajama pants...of all varieties.

32. Wood: haha. you just said 'wood'.

33. Surfers: really cool beachy people. they are the type i would like to be, but just never will. and i'm ok with that. it's just not in the cards for me to be a groovy surfer, california girl-type. but maybe in another life.

34. Pictures: as long as i'm the one with the camera. or, if i'm being shot, i'm NOT in the picture alone. i really hate that because it makes me irrationally self-conscious.