for those of you loyal blog followers still reading this old thing, i've decided to discontinue it. i know, i know...it's painful for me too. i'd rather keep all my writing on one site, and since most everyone i know uses myspace, i've decided to blog exclusively from my profile there. don't be mad. just create a myspace profile and check up on me there!

and who knows: i might dig this blog up one day and try to revive it...

i get to see this hunk of a man in concert this thursday with emily. we're way excited.

i've always been a fan of harry, although i think my love for him was sparked when i first saw my favorite film of all-time. he did the entire soundtrack, you know. watching the film is such a pleasure for me on many levels and i never get tired of it. mike and i even considered using "it had to be you" for our wedding song, but it was overthrown by this sappy bryan adams tune. it really is the perfect wedding song and since i first heard it when i was a teenager, i imagined it as the song.

anyway, back to harry.

he's so charming and sophisticated. he has that old fashioned flare and grace not often found in most contemporary men. every time i watch 'hope floats', i stare in awe at how perfect that role was for him. he's the quintessential "good guy", who just happens to be famous. he's quite handsome, although not in a typical way; i actually prefer his brand of quirky, slightly goofy looking masculinity. his face is attractive, but with a sense of humor. perfect. i fell in love with him all over again after hurricane katrina, when he did a week long report from new orleans on the today show. he was the only celebrity who i believed understood and cared about the impact that disaster had on the city. his pain was really genuine. and when he took his shirt off and gave it to someone he rescued from the rubble, my heart skipped a beat. not only was he chivalrous, but he was strapping and heroic...in a very sincere way.

so we have lawn seats for the show, which means we can dance around and maybe draw attention to ourselves. i should make a sign! maybe a picture of him from 'hope floats', wearing his cowboy hat and dancing with sandra bullock. or should i say sandra bullock's body with my head pasted on top!

so, it's all over. the wedding, the honeymoon, and the anticipation of it all. i think i'm still absorbing it in my own way, reflecting back on everything in little bits at a time, trying to piece together the entire experience. i knew it would be fleeting but i think i managed to step back and look at everything while it was swirling around me, really taking it in. the wedding was beautiful; in many ways it surpassed my expectations. all the little things i had worried about i didn't even notice, and all the big things i hoped would go smoothly pretty much did. one regret: i hardly ate anything the entire evening. i told myself i would enjoy the food and the pie (yes, we had wedding pie. it was really cool!) but i was so energized to dance and talk to everyone that eating was the last thing on my mind. speaking of dancing, i did a whole lot of it; i was determined not to sit much and to get down with all my favorite people.

i will admit to a little post-wedding depression. it hit me all at once on sunday night and it didn't last long. i was packing for the trip, rushing all around the house on very little sleep and suddenly i just stopped and started sobbing. i was a bit sad the rest of that night, but atleast i had the vacation to prolong the experience.

i cannot wait to see the professional pictures; i'm sure i'll see lots of things that i didn't even know happened. i know you all are anxious for pictures too, so i've created an album that will have to satisfy your curiosity for now. these photos are courtesy of my great friends emily and laurie. they managed to snap away through most of the night, giving me enough to put together a sort of chronology of the entire event. though not the best quality, most of the pictures are still pretty good and they'll tide me over until i get the proofs. click HERE to view it.

i also made a honeymoon album, which can be accessed HERE. we went to punta cana in the dominican republic and really enjoyed ourselved. it's super hot there, everyone speaks spanish and drinks rum, and they love love LOVE michael jackson. i'll go into more depth in a later post i'm sure; still winding down from the trip. just ask me in person about it and i'll talk your ear off.

so, i guess that's it. i'm a married woman now...with a new last name that most people can't pronounce. but atleast i've moved up alphabetically! i've been waiting my entire life for that.

so, as you see, today is june 1st. which makes tomorrow june 2nd, the day i am getting married.

my stomach is all knotted up. with good knots, though...promise.

maybe after the honeymoon i can get back to blogging again.

it's been hard, but i need to stop focusing on things i can't change.
it's been hard, but i need to understand that not everyone will agree with me.
it's been hard, but i need to come to terms with my ambivalence, and not let it confuse me.
it's been hard, but i need to accept that i cannot forget what you did.
it's been hard, but i need to redirect my energy into loving those who i still have.
it's been hard but i need to stop judging whatever you decide for yourself because it is not my decision to make.
it's been hard, but i need to see you clearly, as you are now in front of me, instead of dwelling on how you used to be.
it's been hard, but i need to stop caring as much.
it's been hard, but i need to move on.

so, this monday was the 8 week mark. when you put it in terms of weeks, it seems more soon, doesn't it? maybe it's me, but time is FLYING and it's all rather exciting. people keep asking me if i'm stressing out or freaking out or flipping out yet and they look shocked when i tell them no. for whatever reason, this whole wedding planning thing hasn't been too difficult for me. in fact, it's been rather enjoyable and i think i will miss thinking about it when it's over. i've really liked working on such a complete project and pulling all the details together. it's not often that i get to coordinate such an event. actually, i plan on never doing it again.

we have such terrific families. i know that is the main reason this whole process has been so tolerable. mike and i have done everything ourselves with no outside opinions or imposing suggestions thrust upon us. in fact, there's really been nothing to consult anyone about. we envision the day being a certain way and we are fortunate enough to have family that supports and encourages any decisions we make. plus, i'm a pretty decisive and organized person and i know what i like. that helps.

i'm trying really hard to enjoy this lead-up time, to bask in the climb up, in the anticipation of the day. as you know, i'm big on anticipation, often believing it is better than the actual thing you've waited for. weddings are such great conversation starters, such fodder for fun discussions. i will miss talking about what i'm planning on doing once everyone has seen how it turned out.

i'm hearing good things about the invitations, which makes me super happy because i searched so long to find them. both emily and heather pointed out that they reflect my personality, which made me smile because i think they do too. i like that they know me well enough to say something like that. my goal is to make the reception tables match the invitations in color and style, kind of blow them up three-dimensionally. all of this laborious thought over the tables and i bet most people won't even really notice the minute details. (a couple of you will though, i'm sure.)

i'm currently reading "the art of happiness", by the dalai lama. in it, the buddist monk discusses how we too often focus on what is missing or what is wrong in our lives, rather than examining and reveling in what we do have and what makes us content. i have caught myself on several occasions searching for the things that could go wrong on june 2nd, harping on reasons why i'm slightly upset or disappointed about certain things. i have started making a conscious effort to really examine what i have to look forward to, which details really matter, and the overall meaning of the day to me. things won't be perfect; i'm expecting something to happen that i wasn't hoping for, but ultimately, i need to be ok with that. it's reaching the point where i have done all i can do and now it's time to sit back and take it all in. it's just a day, i know that. but i figure i'll go all out one day in my life and make a real effort of meeting my own expectations. the list of pros far outweighs the cons and that is what i will remind myself in the coming weeks.

for those of you who tried to access the st. paddy's day pictures on my myspace page and failed miserably, i'm sorry. i am a tard and didn't realize that shutterfly doesn't allow just anyone to look at their online albums. forgive me.

however, i did transfer the pictures to a yahoo album. so, take a look already!